Sandwich.

I'd like to think that I'm too young to be in the "sandwich generation" but often times during the critical days and weeks of my dad's illness, I felt like I needed to be both a mother to my daughter and a daughter to my mother.

There were the quiet and private moments where I would just come home from a day at the hospital and weep. For my fear to hope and my sense of feeling defeated and overwhelmed.

You learn a lot about people in times of crisis. You see both best and worst moments surrounded while on the roller coaster. I'll never forget March 25th. It was the night following the news of my dad's eeg report. Nathan, Sanne and I stayed at the hotel with my mom that night. We left the hospital like zombies, feeling like one foot was in total devestation. That night,we had conversation that I never want to have to face again thinking about the reality of my dad's prognosis. We dug into the deepest parts of our hearts.

And as I sat at that corner booth, facing my mom, I looked at her in a way I never had before. As a wife. As someone who loved her husband with the whole of her heart. I saw that heart breaking. Thinking of what could be her future and loving my dad so much . . . for the little and the big things that make a marriage.

Today is mother's day and I think of my mom today. In words I'm only ready to put down in writing but don't have the strength to say aloud. My mother, during this time of total fear, was

authentic

kind

gracious

faithful

nurturing

scared

and living out her wedding vows with her heart

I am turning thirty this year and a little over two years ago became a mother myself. During this time I have learned much more about my mom through my own experiences. Relating on a different level. Starting to uncover the sacrifices she made to keep me happy and healthy.

My dad is incredibly strong, motivated, faithful, loving. But today, I celebrate my mom. Who has stood by my dad's side. A true testament to me.

Love you, Mom.

- Barbara

Paying it forward

Getting in the car in the early morning . . . grabbing some coffee and setting up to greet friends and family in support of my dad . . .

It felt a lot like our time in the ICU but with celebration rather than fear. Thank you to all who came today to donate their time, their blood, their baked goods, their well wishes and hugs. We left church this afternon feeling filled with your kindness and reminded of your incredible support.

Please enjoy the little photo show below.

Blood Drive Tomorrow!

There's still time to sign up if you're interested. We've, unfortunately, had quite a few cancellations in the last few days so there are many slots available.

Thanks!

Updates

This week has been a busy one for my dad with rehab and tests. He had an ultrasound at NMH yesterday and the results are fine. They believe he had a gall stone which was causing the levels to heighten. He will meet in June to find out more about their findings on his fatty liver.

Next Tuesday is his upperendoscopy that will tell us more about the healing of his ulcer. Please say some prayers for this. My dad had a bad experience during the last scope so I also ask for prayers that he doesn't feel anxiety going into this procedure.

Also, if you are still interested in signing up for the blood drive we still have slots we need to fill. You can either sign up by following the instructions on the right hand side of the blog or you can email me at barbaranordlund@gmail.com and I can help you sign up.

Thanks!
Barbara

Milestone

Today was my dad's last day with the home health nurse and physical therapist. He works out each day at Galter now with a new physical therapist who is part of the rehabilitation department. I think my dad really enjoys this because it's a way for him to be able to continue to stretch himself and regain strength.

One of many things I've learned about my dad through this whole experience is his drive. I've always known that my dad has determination but these are far greater obstacles and he has gone through each one while already stretching for the next goal. I truly believe that this was part of the reason he was able to get through such trauma. As his family, this characteristic is such a gift to us because with each day he continues to improve.

- Barbara

Friday

Northwestern received my dad's blood results today and they found that his liver enzymes are very high. They will be doing an ultrasound on Tuesday morning to look into it further.

I have to be completely honest here, thinking about this makes me weak. It brings things flooding back to the surface . . . the panic, the unknown. And while I cognitively know that we are not sitting in the ICU waiting room, just the thought of a potential speed bump or road block in the recovery makes me feel like I'm right back there.

Please pray for:
Positive results
The enzyme levels to come down
Good communication to us from the medical staff

On a positive note my dad feels really good. Getting better each day in terms of strength and energy. His bedsore has healed which now allows him to sit in chairs and not only have the option of lying on the couch. This does wonders for mental health, I'm sure.

Thanks for your continued support and prayer.

-Barbara

To walk along side

I've recently learned that there are some phrases that we use in church culture that may be unique to this culture. It reminds me of meeting Nathan (who is from Oregon) and realizing that some things are just unique to the Midwest . . . who knew that not everyone knows not to take a shower during a thunderstorm?!

Recently someone questioned what "walking along side" really means. I didn't even realize that it may seem like a strange phrase. It's one I love though because it's a great visual image of support, of "meeting someone where they are at" and then being along side them as they process something, be it joyous or difficult.

Yesterday my dad had a really great day. He felt less fatigued and optimistic. His friend/neighbor and a member of their church, Dave, popped by and my dad walked around the block with him two times (and said he could have done even more)! I love this because it is both figuratively and literally a living out of the term "walking along side".

Last night we headed to my parents house and enjoyed pizza together. My dad was showing Sanne some of his physical therapy exercises and my dad and Sanne began to walk on their toes together. Again, a visual image.

My dad went in yesterday for a check-up with the endocrinologist at Northwestern. What a vast difference for him from last time he was there. My mom and dad went out to lunch, then walked over to the doctor. Something that 6 weeks ago was no big deal, 5 weeks ago was unimaginable . . . now is such a blessing to this family.

He will have another scope in two weeks so the doctors can get another look at the ulcer and see how it's healing. Please say prayers for us as we await these results.

Thank you for your continued "walking along side" us . . .whether it's prayers, cards, meals, phone calls, signing up for the blood drive, visits, etc . . . we are so thankful for your presence on our journey. Along with God's unfailing love and grace, your support gives us our endurance to continue.

-Barbara